Sit Down...Lemme Tell Ya a Story

Highwaydawg tells you stories here. They are updated whenever he is bored.

Story One
Joe was walking down the sidewalk one day when he discovered a helpless muffin in the middle of the road. He quickly ran to the muffin’s aid. Suddenly an 18 wheeler going at 70 miles an hour ran right over Joe. He was yet another victim of the muffin trap. Billy turned off the TV. The murders were getting worse and worse. First Jell-o guns and now there were muffin traps! Bill went out the front door of his house to go for a little walk. Suddenly, a person in a sleeping bag attacked him. All Billy could see of his attacker was a red sleeping bag and some blue converse. Billy made a run for it. The sleeping bag person said bluraghetyblarg. Suddenly the sleeping bag man stopped. He then made a noise as if he were smelling the air. Then he suddenly let out a raucous cheer of “MUFFIN!” and he walked into the middle of the road to grab a muffin. Suddenly an 18 wheeler going at 70 miles an hour ran right over Billy’s unknown assailer. Bill let out a yell of victory and skipped excitedly home. As he approached the door of his house he tripped over a kitten and suffered a concussion and died. Bob turned off the TV. Bob thought, Oh noes kittens are attacking people now. I hope Fluffy doesn’t turn evil—Suddenly a gigantic werewolf came out of a litter box and leaped onto Bob. Bob shoved the werewolf away and ran out the front door with his cell phone in hand so he could call the cops. Unexpectedly his cell phone exploded, killing Bob. Mike turned off the TV. Abruptly he realized that most of the people who have been dying lately have recently turned off the TV. With that logic, he turned the TV back on. Out of nowhere, a volcano formed on top of the TV and it erupted, setting the room on fire. Suzie closed the newspaper. She had decided that all of the people who had been murdered had not been girls and had been watching the TV. Suzie was reading the newspaper so that excluded her. Also, she was a girl. I am perfectly safe. Nothing will ever happen to me, thought Suzie. Especially not right now. Suddenly her hair burst into flames. She ran into a sprinkler so she could put her hair out and she suddenly realized that the water was boiling! She ran around screaming and accidentally fell into a car crash and died. There is a moral to this story. That moral is that some stories are just plain stupid and have absolutely no moral.

Story Two
Bob was walking through the woods one day when a spear suddenly fell out of the sky and stabbed him in the back. Bob screamed and ran back to his city which was two feet away. But those two feet were so very long. It was also very hard to carry the spear stuck in his back. The spear kept tilting backwards and hitting him in the rear. Finally, the spear fell out it of his back, but on its way down the tip chopped off his leg. Even while missing a leg Bob kept on running. At last he made it onto the sidewalk. Suddenly he saw a huge shadow begin to loom over him. He was crushed by a giant foot soon afterwards. The last thing he heard was, "Hey look! A five legged ant! I still can't find my toothpick..."